


15x06 Coda

by xxenjoy



Series: Codas [13]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: 15x06 coda, Canon verse, Implied Destiel - Freeform, M/M, spoilers up to 15x06
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-25
Updated: 2019-11-25
Packaged: 2021-02-26 00:41:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 904
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21564712
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xxenjoy/pseuds/xxenjoy
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester
Series: Codas [13]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1214562
Comments: 2
Kudos: 69





	15x06 Coda

Dean's not home for five minutes before he's back in his bedroom. If he didn't have enough reason to avoid the expanse of the bunker before, he definitely does now. It's not that he's not happy for Sam because he is. All these years Dean's had someone aside from Sam, someone he can turn to and now that he's alone again, Sam has someone. He doesn't miss the irony. 

Since he left, Dean hasn't been overly enthusiastic about much, but as the days go on and Cas doesn't so much as show his face, Dean's lost interest in just about everything. He doesn't make the connection, or rather, he pretends not to. Today was the worst day so far, not least of all because he spoke to Cas, although _spoke to_ might be a stretch. They didn't have a conversation; Dean spoke and Cas basically deflected, all but ignoring him. It stung in a way Dean wasn't expecting - though honestly, he wasn't expecting that level of coldness either - and now he's left to try and sort things out. 

Left alone in the bunker with Sam and Eileen. 

And he doesn't remember the last time he saw Sam so damn happy. So Dean sits in his room and binge-watches cartoons with a bag of chips on one side of the bed and a bottle of Jack on the other. 

For the first little while, Sam pestered him to eat vegetables, then later for him to eat anything at all that didn't come from a bag. Now, Sam's preoccupied and Dean almost misses his nagging. To spite him, Dean sticks to food he can easily carry to his room - most of which comes in a bag. It's not like he has the energy to make himself something better, anyway. 

There's a hole growing inside him and more and more he realizes it's not wholly to do with this shitty ass situation Chuck dropped them in. All his life he's been living in someone else's version of his life, each event plotted out before he could even consider what to do next. Only Cas came in like a whirlwind and fucked everything up. He said it himself: something always goes wrong and that something always seems to be Cas. 

Chuck had an apocalypse and Cas switched sides and together, they prevented it. 

Ever since then, Cas has been with them. His choices haven't always been the greatest, but they stopped Eve, prevented the Leviathans from turning the world into a feeding plant, and more recently, tore up another one of Chuck's endings by not killing Jack. He and Sam have been through a lot, but they wouldn't have been able to prevent every apocalypse the world could throw at them without Cas. His entire being is _something gone wrong_ ; an angel who fell, who gave up the armies of heaven to save one man, who _loves_ him. 

_Loved_ him.

In the silence, Dean thinks back to every time Cas said that, to every deathbed confession and not once did he have the strength to say it back. Eleven years he had Cas at his side and he couldn't manage so much as a _me too_. Now look where he is. 

Cas was right about them, too. If any part of their lives was real, it was them - him and Cas. Cas tore up the script he was given time after time and it took him leaving for Dean to really see it. If there was one thing he could ground himself with, it was Cas and now he's gone. 

And now he's alone and full of regret and too damn proud to admit that he was wrong. Not that Cas would answer even if he tried to tell him. He considers praying, but Cas is losing his powers - he said so himself - and he might not even hear him. All Dean can hope for is that he doesn't feel how shitty Dean's feeling now. 

He takes a swig of whiskey and slouches down the bed, until he can't see the TV over his knees. Outside the door, he hears Sam and Eileen making their way down the hall. He tries not to think about it and he turns the TV up to drown them out because if he's miserable, he doesn't want to listen to Sam being happy. He feels bad about it because, after everything, Sam deserves something good. The two of them have been through so much shit that eventually the darkness has to break and he doesn't blame Sam for taking advantage of the small cracks of light that break through. 

Dean, on the other hand, well he just fucks up everything he touches. Cas is evidence of that. Sam's taking that one good thing and he's holding onto it, but Dean lost his chance, Dean pushed his good thing away. Again. In the end, he always does. 

They don't have Cas to fight with them anymore and that's his fault, too. Maybe this time Chuck will get the ending he wants. At this point, Dean even feels distanced from Sam with his newfound happiness. Without Cas to come in and help tear it up, Dean doesn't have the energy to do it himself. He doesn't have the energy to fight and if Chuck sends Sam after him again, finds some new way to pit them against each other, he might not even try.


End file.
